- A year's supply of "Eukanuba" to Sirius Dogfire for planting the seed to this story, and semi-dedicated in fond memory of the "Weld Street/Car Barn Assault" gaming group (circa 1983-1987) for the looniness that I drew upon. -
...To The Dogs
by PunkTiger
The troupe of adventurers felt their way along the rough darkened corridor toward a deep reddish glow in the distance. Leading the way was Derelon, a fine human warrior, but somewhat lacking in the wit department. His strength was his prime asset and it was clearly visible in the corded bands of muscle that rippled just beneath his skin. His shirt of ring mail armour had seen better days, but still provided him with adequate protection against whatever adversaries they met, and his long sword had vanquished many a man and monster that challenged his strength or the safety of his friends.
Behind him was Tibo, a shaman of Obram and party leader. He was bare-chested and barefoot, dressed in only a green woolen cloak and breeches. Often the voice of reason, his wisdom and tactical sense were respected by all those who knew him. If his words ever failed to produce results, he would let his spiked mace dispense appropriate justice (and the occasional clue). He also had a repertoire of spells for nearly every occasion -- especially the times when the party met up with the wrong end of a weapon or claw.
Next in line was Devan; an Elven spell caster sent from the Wizard's guild to accompany the party on this mission while their resident wizard, Abric, attended to some unfinished guild business. Dressed in a fine silk robe of midnight blue and gold, he carried himself regally, used his magics sparingly and had an attitude the size of a major city-state.
Bringing up the rear were Sith and Aldebaran. Sith was a self-proclaimed Master of Shadows (as all common thieves are wont to be called). He was a small swarthy human dressed in dark studded leather and carried a small arsenal... less than half of which could be seen on his person at any given time. And, although thieves weren't very respected, he proved his worth and loyalty to Tibo and the party time and time again. If the term "honest thief" was an oxymoron, Sith was a walking example of one.
Aldebaran XIII was a new recruit into the ranks, coming with a high recommendation from the Adventurer's guild. He was a jack-of-all-trades, part-time fighter, part-time thief and full-time 5th wheel. He proved his worth in small ways, turning out to be a rather successful trapper and managed to get fresh meat in the cooking fire every night no matter where they were. They were first wary of him for his eccentric manner of dress; naked, but for the simple breechcloth around his hips and a small glass vial and chain he wore around his neck. His pasty-white skin and bleached-white hair was also quite uncommon for one of the Halfling race. He was also the smallest halfling they had ever seen, standing all of 2-foot-9. Even with all those negatives, there was something about how he carried himself, pulled more than his own weight and the sparkle in his forest green eyes that won the approval and trust of Tibo and the rest.But, enough of the Dramatis Personae, on to the meat of the story...
The Sacred Ruby of Keshniken had been stolen some time ago from the Keshnikite temple in Bourna and it was only recently that the mystics divined its location as being somewhere in the bowels of Hades. Through a bizarre series of circumstances, our stup...I mean, brave adventurers were selected to retrieve the Ruby from the Netherworld.
Purchasing a hastily drawn...or rather, ancient map plotting the path the hero Heracles took into Hades, our idiotic...err...stalwart band of adventurers blundered acro...FOUND the hidden entrance into the Realm of the Dead. Following the descending path, and finally into the warm red glow of a blazing torch, they came upon a split in the path."I don't remember seeing this on the map!"
"Derelon, stop your whining. How many times do I have to tell you that map is a FAKE?" The wizard was getting only slightly annoyed at the warrior.
"But the goblin who sold it to me..."
"...was a lying cheat that balked you out of 60 gold Marks. You should have punted him into next week when you had the chance."
"Derelon, Devan, will you two please keep quiet?" Once again, the cleric tried to be the peacemaker. "Need I remind you where we are?"
"Yeah, you two are making enough noise to wake the dead."
They all turned at glared at Al. The little halfling slunk back slightly. "What!"
"So, which way do we go?" asked Sith, nervously.
Derelon raised himself to his impressive 6 and a half foot height. "As my daddy always said, 'when in doubt, turn left.'"
Devan whispered to Sith, "That's because one of his legs was shorter than the other."
Sith noisily stifled a laugh.There was another reason Derelon took the left corridor. He felt a slight breeze coming from there, carrying the scent of water... among other more impure things. The winding corridor felt like it went on for miles until it opened out very suddenly around a bend. In the dim light, they saw what looked like an endless black beach, littered with thousands of blackened and bleached bones. The sorrowful, haunting wails of the ghostly undead echoed around the shore. Out on the water, they saw a point of pure white light seeming to rock slowly to and fro... and coming closer toward them. They made their way to the river's edge, being careful not to step on the rotted bones of those who would never return.
Soon, they could make out the shape of a man with a long oar, propelling a boat on the water, getting closer to them. He finally docked the boat on a makeshift pier made of bones nearby. They walked over to the pier, but was stopped by the boatman before they could board."Who be ye that dare seek passage across this cursed river?"
Tibo spoke up. "We seek the Ruby of Keshniken. Please ferry us across, boatman, so we may continue our quest."
The boatman cackled a wheezing dry laugh. "Aye? Treasure seekers? You must be pretty desperate to seek passage into Hades..." He looked closely at the shaman. "Such a demanding soul...full of life. My boat creaks and leaks. A living soul would splinter it. What payment will you give to ol' Charon... should I decide to ferry you over?"
Derelon grabbed the frail boatman by the clasp of his tattered cloak and glared menacingly. Instantly, the warrior howled out in pain, grabbing his own hand and sunk to his knees. In the dim light, he could see his hand was heavily bruised, as if it had been crushed by an immense weight.
The boatman sneered. "Arrogant bastard! What power have you to intimidate me so? I asked for payment. I have no need of empty threats."
Devan pulled out a small pouch and spilled the contents into his hand. A small ransom of diamonds and emeralds was seen.
"HA!" Charon was less than interested. "What use have I for rocks that weigh my boat down? Shiny glittery worthless things. The river is brimming with those who sold their immortal soul to covet miserable baubles like those. Begone. I have other chores than to deal with the likes of you. Keep your stones to bribe someone else."
Al pulled out a single copper coin from his breechcloth. "Here is my payment, Charon. A worthless coin for a worthless soul."
Eyes wide, Charon snatched the coin from the halfling's fingers. "Payment accepted, little ghost. Climb aboard my boat."
Nonplussed, the others watch as Al climbed into the rickety boat.
"You only had the advantage 'cause you're white as a sheet," Sith called out.
Al looked to Charon. "Noble boatman, as a humble request, I would ask that my companions accompany me across to the distant shore."
Charon cackled again. "Your honorifics are naught but empty praise to my withered ears. However, if they can supply due payment, even that addle-headed warrior, I may be persuaded."
Following Al's lead, they made payment of copper coins for passage across the river.The journey seemed endless on the mist-shrouded river and Charon made a less-than-perfect host. He morbidly droned on about how there was nothing to do except hear the wails and moans of the Forever Lost, the pleas of those who did not have payment, and those who "accidentally" fell into the river Styx - only to be dragged down and drowned by the unmerciful souls who had been drowned themselves. After what seemed an eternity, the far shore came into view. They nearly trampled all over themselves scrambling out of the boat and toppling Charon into the murky water.
"I hope you choke!" the boatman sputtered and shook a bony fist at the group as they ran off. He picked himself up and wrung some water out of his cloak. "It doesn't matter anyway, you're as good as dead..."Derelon was still rubbing and shaking his hand, the pain was slowly subsiding, but he still found it difficult to grip anything. Tibo gave it a good look over.
"Serves you right, grabbing at netherworldly servants," he mildly scolded.
"I only wanted to give that jerk something to fear."
"Derelon, we're in Hades. We should be the ones in fear."
The shaman mumbled a soft prayer as he manipulated the warrior's hand, spreading the fingers and massaging tender joints. Within minutes, the swelling and bruises were fading and it began to feel much better.
"There... If possible, try not to use it that much for the day."They paused on the road to eat before continuing on. Since getting to this side of the shore, they had heard the tortured howling of the guardian of the gates of Hades. Each footfall brought them closer... plans were made and scrapped as the walls shook with horrific dissonant sound of the hell-hound's wailing.
The thin, high-walled path opened out into an immense antechamber. To the far side, was the iron-barred entrance into Hades proper, and, as they feared, guarding the entrance was Cerberus, the giant, three-headed demon dog. He was lashed to a boulder by a chain as thin as gossamer. Standing on all fours, he easily measured at least 30 feet at the shoulder. The huge, wolven-like body was covered in black fur with blood-red markings like a wolf. Instantly, the three heads swiveled toward them, growling menacingly and baring their dirty-white teeth.
But what surprised them most, beside the iron gates, on a 20-foot tall, blackened stone pedestal, was the Ruby of Keshniken, glowing a deep rich red."Bloody hell!" swore Sith, "there it is!"
They huddled together for a moment to make their final plans.
"OK..." Tibo started. "This is a grand stroke of luck for us. Since the ruby is out in the open, as it were, all we have to do is appease or distract Cerberus so that one of us can climb that pedestal and get the ruby. Sith, you're our ShadowWalker. It should be a cakewalk to get the stone."
Sith nodded, "As long as that mastiff on steroids doesn't come near me, I'll be fine."
"Great. Devan did a bit of research on ol' Rover-boy, and came up with a simple way to appease the beast."
The wizard motioned to Derelon. "Get the pack, please."
The warrior placed the provision pack in their midst and opened it. Devan searched through the pack for a few moments, mumbling to himself digging deeper and deeper. Cursing softly, he proceeded to just about empty the sack on the ground.
"All right," the wizard sounded perturbed again. "Where's the honeyed bread?"
"Oh... I had that for lunch," Derelon said, nonchalantly licking his fingers. "It was delicious."
Devan was stunned for a moment. He suddenly whacked the warrior on the back of the head. "You MORON! That was for the dog!"
"What? No one told me that."
"We DID... FIVE TIMES!! There were three loaves in there, you pig... You ate them ALL??"
"Well..." Derelon shuffled his feet, "I was hungry."
"Remind me to give you a fireball enema if we ever get out of this alive."
Tibo sighed. "Great. Now what are we going to do?"
Sith tugged at the shaman's cloak. "Say... has anyone seen where Al's gone off to?"
"Al? He was right over..." Tibo looked around, but couldn't see the albino-white halfling anywhere.
Derelon looked back into the antechamber. "Hey, there he is..."
They peered around the corner to see Al walking casually toward the giant monster, speaking in soft, cooing tones and making no sudden movements.
Tibo felt a migraine coming on. "No no no no no no no... Damn it, Aldebaran!"
"At least the beast is interested in him," Sith spoke quickly. "This could be the diversion we're looking for. Let me go for the ruby."
Tibo paused for two heartbeats as he thought. "OK... Devan, give the Sith some back-up in case things turn out bad." He quickly gave the pair the Blessings of Obram. "Go now!"
True to his moniker, Sith stepped into the shadows of the antechamber and vanished. Devan wove a small spell of his own and faded from sight.
Tibo and Derelon silently crept into the cavern, keeping a close eye on the halfling.Cerberus growled threateningly at the little white creature that was drawing closer. He bowed closer to the ground, hackles raised in case the little ghostly being didn't understand that he meant business and would rip it to shreds at a mere whim. Still, it came closer. He strained at his leash as he barked and snapped at it, missing the morsel by mere inches. The being stopped and stood there, arms outstretched. This action was quite confusing to the demon dog. One head sniffed at it, and was surprised. Although this thing was mortal, no attempt was made to shield itself, nor did it make any threatening gestures. Its scent showed little fear. He could sense nervousness, yes, and, of all things, excitement. Cerberus' middle head lowered as he inspected the little white being closely. As he did so, the creature reached out and softly scratched the coarse fur of his lower jaw. The hell-hound didn't know what the strange creature was up to, but it didn't seem threatening, least for its size. And it had been ages since even Hades, himself, showed him any sort of affection or kindness.
Sith reached the pedestal and deftly began to climb up the 20-foot column.
"That's it boy... I'm not gonna hurt you," Al softly spoke, being careful not to challenge the dog by looking in his eyes. The beast relaxed slightly making a happy rumbly noise, allowing him to scritch more of his jowls and neck. The other two heads looked on at what Al was doing, their mouths open slightly, panting.
Al looked back and noticed Tibo and Derelon carefully approaching. He smiled as he scritched deeply into the hound's rough fur. "I have a way with dogs," he softly spoke.
The shaman mumbled below his breath, "Well, I'll be dipped..."
Aldebaran's taming of the beast would have been very impressive, if several things didn't happen in rapid succession...
Sith, having made it to the top of the pedestal, silently took the ruby and placed it in one of his pouches...
Derelon, proclaiming loudly, "Look! Sith's got the gem!"...
Devan, being startled by Derelon's incredible stupidity, lost his concentration on his invisibility spell, becoming visible to all...
Cerberus, also being startled by Derelon's sudden shout, immediately angered and snapped at the closest person...
Aldebaran turned about, just in time to see one of Cerberus' horrific jaws fully agape, and rushing at him faster than he could think...
And Tibo watching the halfling being eaten alive by Cerberus as everything fell apart."FUCK!" Tibo swore, forgetting himself.
To top it all off, the leash holding Cerberus to the wall had disconnected itself when the gem was removed from the pedestal, leaving the enraged canine free to roam the cavern. Two of the demon dog's heads howled in rage. Tibo stood nearly transfixed as he watched the third head work its jaws a bit and gulp. A piece of white cloth hung on a lower fang as it howled out in victory over its vanquished prey.
Sith nearly fell off the pedestal and ran, appropriately enough, like a bat out of hell back to the cavern passage with Devan following hot on his heels.
Cerberus leaped from his spot and landed heavily in their midst, his three heads snapping at them. Tibo was blocked by one of the massive paws. He swung his mace and brought it down on the paw. The dog yelped in surprise and pulled its paw back. The shaman hastily ran toward Derelon, who was foolishly engaging one of the heads in battle.
"C'mon, ya ugly mutt!" Derelon shouted at the beast, swinging his sword in a wide arc. The middle head snapped at the warrior, biting him across his stomach. A quick flick of the head, and he was flung to the far wall of the cavern. He hit hard and bounced to the ground, remaining quite still.
The shaman started running again, when another head came into view cutting him off. The thought flashed in his mind that he was going to share Aldebaran's fate, when a ball of fire exploded on the dog's cheek. Cerberus reared up and roared out in pain as Tibo ran toward Devan, whose fingers were still smouldering from the spell. The dog's right head was blinded temporarily by the fireball. They took this opportunity to get Derelon's bleeding and motionless body over to the narrow path. The sound of the dog's howls and barks shook the cavern walls, but the path was small enough that he could not give chase. For now, they had sanctuary.
Tibo looked over Derelon's wounds. The teeth marks were quite deep and bloody. Probably poisoned by the beast's drool as well. He got out some holy water and his wineskin and poured them on the wounds, the water for healing, the wine for cleansing. He chanted a droning prayer as the wounds slowly began to close.
"Why are you saving him?" asked Devan. "He deserved what he got."
The shaman finished his chanting and glared at Devan. "I don't know why you want his guts for garters, but I've had enough of it. He's pulled your sorry ass out of the fire on more than one occasion. Remember the carnosaur... the Cyrran horde... and especially the heartbeast?? For that matter, there's not one person in our party whom he didn't save at one time or another. Sure, he may pull the occasional bonehead play, but there's more good in him than you give him credit for. And..." His eyes suddenly went wide as he remembered. "...ALDEBARAN!"
"He's still in there?"
"More than you can imagine, Sith. Cerberus ate him!"
One moment, Al was enjoying scritching the giant demon dog... and the next moment, he suddenly found himself in the dark, wet interior of one of Cerberus' mouths, being muscled about by the tongue. He nearly gagged at the horrific stench! Normal dog breath was more fragrant than mountain wildflowers in comparison. He was doused in the dog's slimy, foul-smelling saliva that almost seemed to burn his skin. He struggled and had narrowly missed getting chomped a few times by the razor-sharp teeth. A close bite latched on to his breechcloth as he slid out of it. The tongue slid him across the smooth palate and squeezed him into his throat so quickly, that he was almost completely into the esophagus when the dog swallowed. Muscular waves grabbed him from all sides and pushed him smoothly through the greased tube; the constriction around him was so intense that he couldn't draw breath. He suddenly plowed through a muscled constriction that seemed to be as long as his entire body and was spat forcefully into the belly of Cerberus. He splashed into the stomach, digestive juices filled a good one-third of the chamber. The red hot liquid hissed and sizzled on his skin as he felt his way around the slick, throbbing walls. He caught his breath in short gasps, the foul, acrid air seeming to burn his lungs. His rest was momentary as the stomach began to churn; rubbing and pressing him deeper into the slimy walls, almost crushing him, trying to force the caustic secretions deeper into his skin and digest him fully. After some time, the aggressive digestion of the dog's stomach subsided, realizing that this morsel would take longer to savour than most others. Al slid back into the digesting mix and tried to catch his breath again as best he could.
"Yes, Al," he thought, "you certainly do have a way with dogs."
"Eaten..." Sith blinked. "As in 'torn apart' eaten, or 'suffering a long painful death in the beast's stomach' eaten?"
Tibo shook his head. "More like, 'Sweet Obram, I pray it was quick and painless' eaten. All I saw that was left of him was his breechcloth snagged on a tooth."
"Can we rescue him?"
"If you have a plan that's shy of throwing yourself down Cerberus' throat, I'm all ears."
"So there's nothing left of him?"
"Not a thing, Devan. All his possessions are in the provisions pack. He traveled very light. He said he didn't want to be a 'burden' on us... His words."
"How long have you known him?"
"Since this expedition started, really. Not long at all. I hired him a few days before you stepped in for Abric. Funny that the Wizard's guild had to detain him on our day of departure."
"He was in the midst of advancing his rank within the guild. He has to be tested before rank is given, you know."
Tibo nodded as he opened the provisions pack and searched for Al's bundle. He pulled out a small flannel bag. "He never liked people poking around in his belongings, but I guess it doesn't matter now." Tibo opened the sack and looked in. All he could see was pitch blackness within. Frowning slightly, he reached inside...Deep inside... It didn't feel like it had a bottom... His whole arm was in a sack that was as long as his forearm... and he still couldn't reach the bottom.
"I'll be dipped... It's a bottomless sack... Hang on, I feel something." Tibo pulled out a large jug. "I never knew he drank." He pulled out the stopper and gave a sniff of the contents. He pulled the jug away. "Gods! This doesn't smell like wine, it smells like... like..." his mind raced trying to match the familiar scent. "...A purgative??"
Sith's brows furrowed. "What's a purgative?"
"It's something that...well...causes you to throw up. Like if you mistakenly eat something that's bad...for...you...." Tibo's eyes lit. "You don't think..."
"What?" asked Devan.
"Al always wore a vial around his neck..." He looked at the jug again. "You don't suppose..."
Devan's eyes widened. "If it's so, that's one strange halfling."
Al sloshed around in Cerberus' stomach, still getting the occasional vigorous rubbing from the walls around him. The acids subsided slightly and he could now feel the squishy floor of the chamber ooze between his toes as his feet settled in. He felt exhausted as his curiosity (among other things) was fully satisfied. Letting the last few moments drift by, he began to formulate a plan on how to get out of there. He knew the beast was immortal, so it was impossible to kill or even injure him bare-handed. And since he hadn't been dissolving away, he knew his "safeguards" against digestion were still working quite well. Which left only one option: to exit the way he came in. Hopefully, the beast wasn't resistant to his concoction. The vial on the glassteel chain was still on him. He removed the stopper and dumped the contents on the stomach wall. Within minutes, the stomach was convulsing and quivering around him as the fluid took effect, much to his relief. Al looked around, and tried to position himself near the stomach's upper opening. This was going to be rough.
The stomach seemed to almost fold in on itself from the bottom as the reaction started. He plowed into the top opening which easily gave way into the esophagus and rode the wave of nausea through the slimy canal. In seconds, it widened out as he bounced off the dog's tongue and fell to the ground followed quickly by a roiling sauce of acids. Blinded by the light and acid, he slid and slipped in the caustic pool trying to get to his feet and ran in a random direction; hopefully away from the distressed canine.
They noticed it had gotten awfully quiet... Peering around the corner, they saw Cerberus looking a little wobbly on his feet, his middle head drooling, another whining softly, but generally not looking at all well. Suddenly, his midsection gave a heave as the middle head disgorged a thick black soup that steamed and sizzled as it hit the ground. In its midst, they saw Aldebaran tumble out of his mouth and get covered by another wave of the caustic slime. Al scrambled to his feet and ran toward the pedestal and smack into a wall.
"Al!" Tibo cried out, "Over here!"
The halfling's head turned toward the shaman and he started to run in his direction. Tibo grabbed him by the arm as he ran past and pulled him into the passage.
"Al! Al, are you... AAAGH!!!!" Tibo realized that the acidic slime covering Al's body was still quite potent, as a searing pain erupted in his hand. He grabbed some water and poured it over his stinging hand, rinsing off the acid.
"I'll be all right, Tibo, just don't touch me until I've washed this stuff off." He noticed his pack on the ground. He reached inside it and pulled out two large jugs of water. He walked away from the group, pulled out the stoppers and poured the water over himself, washing the vile secretions from his body.
"It's nearly taken the flesh off my hand! How can you bear it?"
"I have...a safeguard from acid." He rubbed a small scar over his belly thoughtfully. "Is everyone else all right?"
"Derelon got bit. Lost some blood and was thrown against a wall. He's alive, but unconscious. Other than that, we're all right." Tibo pointed back toward the cavern, "How the heck did you do that??""
Devan spoke up. "And what's this safeguard you mentioned?"
Aldebaran sat down and smiled. "I figured you'd be interested in that, Devan. I have a gem -- a black sapphire about the size of my fist -- that's in my body. A ransom in platinum royals was spent to have it magicked and implanted in me. The spells on it give me protection from all acids, and allow me to survive without breathing."
Devan's eyes widened. "Adaptation? That is impressive. Where did one like you come up with the money for that?"
Al's tone turned very cold at the question and glared at the wizard. "One like me? That is none of your concern."
Sith spoke up, "But, why did you get it?"
Al warmed up again. "When you're my size, even a hill giant on a good day can think of you as 'lunch'... which leads into the second half of 'why'. I seem to be, for lack of a better term, under a curse. That's the only way I can describe it. Large creatures seem to find me quite appetizing. Even to those not normally known to eat adventurers. That's why my wardrobe is fairly non-existent. If my clothes weren't getting ripped up by hungering monsters, they were getting destroyed by stomach acids. Why get even basic clothing when it's just going to get soiled in spades. I've been to clerics, psionicists, shamans, witch-doctors, wizards... none of them could see any type of curse or other spell of ill-will on me. I remember one giant minotaur shaman who tried to help me but ended up... well, suffice to say, I've had a grand respect for Obram since then..."Tibo grinned. As Al was speaking about his affliction, the shaman carefully looked him over. And, as he had said, he could not see a black aura or anything else that would signify a curse or ill will. He could see evidence of the whitish-gold glow of the gem in Al's midsection protecting him. He shook his head slightly in puzzlement.
"...It got to the point that I was being rescued from the jaws of death, literally, every 10 minutes. My brother, Chrysophylax, helped me out after a while by mag..."
Devan spoke up again. "Chrysophylax? THE Chrysophylax? The only halfling ever inducted into the Cambrian Ranger's guild??"
"The very same. I'm glad you've heard of him. He helped me out after hearing about my plight. It was he that gave me the gem in the first place."
"And what about the purgative?" Tibo asked.
"Ah... you saw that. One of the adventuring groups I was with years ago had an alchemist-healer. He taught me how to cook up this concoction that acts as a very powerful purgative. It was supposed to be some sort of quick wine, but it obviously didn't turn out that way. As a joke, I was given this vial on a chain to store it so I could rescue myself. It was originally metal, but I've since had it changed to glassteel. Less chance of it corroding from the... environment I tend to get into. It's held up quite well over the years."Derelon grunted as he began to stir. His eyes opened slowly and had a little trouble focusing on the cavern ceiling.
"Aha!" Devan intoned. "Welcome back to the land of the living..." he remembered where they were, "...or somewhere thereabouts."
"Wha' hoppen?"
Tibo knelt over Derelon and gave him some water. "A bad case of dog bite, big guy. You're all right now."
"That's good. Can you please make the room stop spinning?"
"I thought that was a natural state for you," Devan snickered, which earned him a withering glare from Tibo.
The shaman helped the injured warrior to his feet. "All right, before we leave, Sith, let's see this gem."
"Sure thing, boss." Sith pulled out a leather pouch and looked inside. The colour drained from his light brown face as he saw a hole in the bottom of the pouch.
An underlying tone of fear was apparent in Tibo's voice as he asked, "What's wrong, Sith?"
"Uhhh... It's...ummmmm...it's...gone."
"GONE??"
"I used the wrong pouch... this one's got a hole in it."
Devan looked incredulous. "What would a thief, of all people, be doing with a pouch with a hole in it?"
"I have my reasons."
"Indeed. To lose important gems, no doubt."
"Devan," Tibo spoke up again, "what did I tell you about that attitude of yours?"
The wizard shook his head. "The Keshnikites are willing to put forward a significant reward for the ruby's return and I simply just can not tolerate the incompetence I've found in this group."
The shaman's expression turned very cold and merely looked at the wizard, as if sizing him up. "I see." He turned his attention to the group and continued, "Let's see if we can find this gem again."They looked back out into Cerberus' cavern to see the dog reclining by the path entrance. It looked like the left head was gnawing on something. A flick of the head tossed the item to the dog's right head to be gnawed upon, then back to the left one. Sith noticed that the dog's plaything had a glint of red as it was tossed back and forth.
"Tibo," Sith whispered, "Cerberus is chewing on the ruby."
Derelon sighed. "Great. Now we have to return the ruby covered in dog drool."
"Well, we can always wash...THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" Tibo caught himself in a loud whisper. "The point is: how do we get the ruby away from the dog?"
Devan quickly cast a 'hush' cantrip on Derelon just before the warrior yelled out, "Oi! Drop the gem!" -- causing his voice to be barely above a whisper.
"Nice save, Devan," Sith whispered.Cerberus' left head suddenly noticed the group at the mouth of the corridor and was about to bark when is right head tossed the ruby to him. The gem flew through the air and landed in the back of his mouth. Caught by surprise, the jaws snapped shut and swallowed the gem with a loud gulp. He then started barking at the corridor with the other heads immediately following suit until their ears were ringing from their dissonant wailing. They retreated back into the corridor.
"Brilliant," Tibo fumed, "Absolutely brilliant! Of all the stones and rocks for that beast to play with, he had to choose the ruby. Short of waiting a few days for nature to take its course, I can't think of a way to get it back now."
Al spoke up. "I could go back in and get it."
"Not an option, Al. I can't let you do it."
"Tibo, look... Even if Derelon was at full strength on a good day, your chances of subduing Cerberus are slim. And, not to slight our wizard, that dog isn't going to fall easily to anything short of major mana. I'm the only one that's equipped, as it were, to retrieve the gem."
The shaman shook his head. "I saw you slide down his gullet once, I can't bear to see that again."
Al smiled. "I've been down similar roads many times before in my life. I think I can take care of myself." He walked over to the jug Tibo first pulled out from his pack. He refilled the vial with the purgative. "Besides, It's not like I'm going in unprepared."
"Will it work on him again?"
Al stopped in thought for a moment. "It should, but I don't know how his body might react to a second dose. He may just ignore it...like that dragon I ran into some years ago." He grinned as he lapsed into memory.
Derelon's eyebrows raised. "Dragon...?"
"Tell you what..." Al walked over to his pack and pulled out a pair of green crystal rings. He slipped one on his finger and gave the other to Tibo. "This is a Ring of Limited Summoning. Take it and head back up to the surface. When the first night falls, concentrate on me through the ring and have lots of water handy."
"Why can't we use it here and now?"
"That's where the limitations come in. It can only be used in the darkness of night, in the open, not in a building or cave or any other enclosure, and it can only summon one thing: the person or creature wearing this ring's mate."
"But, we can't just leave you here to be devoured by the beast."
Al smiled. "I'll be all right. In fact, I'll be safer in that dog's stomach than I will travelling back to the surface. All he can do is try to digest me."
Tibo grinned and shook his head. "You're either very brave, or very stupid. I just haven't decided which yet."
The halfling chuckled. "After you've done it a few times, it gets easier." He cautiously walked toward the cavern entrance. "I'll see you on the surface. Heal up, Derelon... the group needs you." He turned the corner and went out of sight.
"Y'know, Tibo," Sith said, "if he survives this, we're really going to have to sit down and chat with him for a good long while."Cerberus could smell a familiar scent, mixed with the scent of his own insides. He bared his teeth again and growled. The little white beast emerged from the entrance. The middle head whined softly, not really wanting to experience another bout of nausea. The other two heads looked at it and growled menacingly. Still the little white being came closer to him and walked up to the middle head. He reached out and scratched along the massive jowls.
"I didn't want to hurt you, boy," Aldebaran softly cooed to the demon dog, "that was the furthest thing from my mind." He scratched the red-furred neck deeply. "But, you've eaten something that we really need, and I have to get it back." That warranted a growl from the middle head, while the left head snarled at him.
"All right, all right... I admit the last time you ate me, it wasn't a good experience for you." The right head sniffed Al and growled again when he got a whiff of the fresh purgative in the vial. Al held the vial up and was rewarded by having all three heads snarl at him threateningly.
"Very well... I understand." He removed the stopper and poured the contents on the ground. "That's it. I have no more on me." The demon dog's tail now wagged slowly. Al scratched deeply into the dog's fur. He backed away and looked to Cerberus' middle head. "Will you let me back in?"
Cerberus' three heads looked at each other as if they were making a decision. The middle head looked again at the strange little white creature. He ate him once and, undaunted, asked to be eaten again... and there was something about the little morsel that he found hard to resist.
The middle head lunged forward and grabbed Al gently with his front teeth and tossed him into the air. The halfling flew in a graceful arc and landed deep inside the open jaws, sliding down to the back of the tongue. Darkness surrounded him again as the jaws closed. He felt the tongue press him in a wave-like motion deep into the throat, then the fleshen walls collapsed around him, forcing him into the esophagus. With a final thrust, he again was pushed down into Cerberus' body through the slick rubbery tube, and finally sliding into the hot, acidic pit of his stomach. The walls churned around him, forcing him from one side to the other as the digestive soup oozed from the living flesh around him. He felt something hard graze his leg and reached for it. It slipped from his slime-covered hands. He felt it rubbing against his back as the stomach squeezed around him. It relaxed again and he slipped back into the thick mire covering him up to the chest. The hard object was now directly below his right foot. He reached down and grabbed it firmly in his hands. It was definitely the gem. Al realized that he had no place to store it; he was stark naked in the belly of Cerberus -- a fact that wasn't lost on him by any means. All he could do was hang on to it as best he can and hope that, when he's finally summoned from the belly of Hell, it hadn't slipped from his grasp.Cerberus stood and waited for a few minutes, expecting the worst. Much to his relief, he felt no ill effects after gulping down the white creature again. This time, it was going to stay inside and digest like a good little morsel. He padded back to his guard post by the gates of Hades and curled up into a light slumber.
"I can't believe that we're trusting a suicidal halfling -- that we barely know, mind you, to retrieve the ruby from that dog's stomach," Devan grumbled. "It's too surreal even for me. I mean... who would willingly throw themselves down a monster's throat?
"I'm forced to agree with you there," said Tibo, "it was certainly a side of Al that we had never seen. But, after hearing him talk about his affliction... He's taking it more like a special ability than some sort of cruel twist of fortune."
Sith scratched his head. "It almost sounds like he enjoys it, to boot. How often do you think an ability like that would be called for?"
The shaman shrugged. "True, it's rare. And, speaking from the outside looking in, if I had to feed myself to a monster to get something as trivial as a gem, well, I would have to think more than twice on it."
Derelon spoke up. "And he takes it so... so... un-special. He said he was in the belly of a dragon at one time. I've never gotten close to a dragon and he's been eaten by one."
"More than once," Tibo chuckled. "Remember how he said his purgative didn't work on it a second time." He shook his head. "I can't even imagine what he's experiencing now... the stench, the burning... It must be worse than the torments of Hades. My hand is still stinging where I grabbed him after Cerberus threw up." He mused to himself for a moment. "He's just another piece of meat to Cerberus. Yet, he says he'll be safer inside him than with us. Incredible."
"I still think he's mentally ill," Devan mumbled.Again, they finally emerged to the shore of the river Styx. Charon, this time, was waiting by the dock and noticed the troupe approach.
"Ohhh, no! Not again... Not this time!" Charon shouted as he met them on the dock. "I'm not going to carry the lot of you back across. You made a full load, almost capsized my boat, nearly destroyed it when you ran off and tossed me into the river without so much as a thank you! Your fare has more than doubled... I flat out may not take you across! Perhaps you should go for a nice swim..."
Tibo confronted the boatman. "Charon, we already have paid dearly for our passage back. We have left one of our own behind."
"Eh?" Charon squinted and looked the group over. "Ahhh... the little ghostly one. What's become of him, then?"
Devan sneered. "He's digesting in the stomach of Cerberus. Naught more than a morsel of meat... swallowed alive."
Charon almost wheezed a chuckle. "Heh... such a shame. But that's the price of foolhardiness. At least the old pooch got a good snack."
"Have some respect for the dead, old man," Derelon fumed.
"BAH! Don't tell me how I should feel for the dead! I row their rotting carcasses across this river all the time -- most of them still begging for their lives! The fools don't even realize they're dead. Listen around you, my muscle-brained friend. Their wails of despair echo from every corner of this place. They don't know when to shut up and makes me all the more cranky." He poked a bony finger into the warrior's chest. "It is you who should treat the living with more respect. Once they're dead, all the respect in the world means less than nothing to them -- only empty gestures to make those who survive feel better about their own short lives." Charon spat on the river bank. "Feh! what's the use. You'll never understand. Get on board. The faster I get you out of my sight, the better. Besides... you'll be back. One way or another, you'll be back. But, next time, to stay."
"We paid for passage, not for your comments," Devan mumbled as he boarded.
Charon whispered to the wizard, "My comments are free, kingslayer. You should be wary of your own."
Devan turned ashen and glared at the boatman. He remained strangely quiet for the remainder of the ride.
Again, the boatman went on at length, building upon the tongue-lashing he gave Derelon, but they really didn't pay much attention. Their thoughts seemed to linger upon the one they left behind in the stomach of Cerberus. The trip seemed shorter going back across the river than before. Instead of the frantic rush to disembark, they filed off silently onto the blackened sandy beach.
The morning sky never looked as bright and pleasant as it did when they finally emerged from the dark caverns of the dead. They put as much distance as they could that day from that damnable place.
Tibo and Derelon took second watch that evening. They waited until it was well into the night before they would attempt to activate the ring. They wanted nothing to go wrong. Leaving the fighter to watch the modest campfire, Tibo walked over to the riverbank. He pulled the ring out of his money pouch and slipped it on his finger. The ring seemed to shrink and fit snugly on his finger. He closed his eyes and concentrated on Aldebaran. He mentally called out to the little halfling, hoping the magic of the ring would activate. He felt the ring around his finger turn warm as the arcane magics searched for the ring's mate. A misty green glow appeared near him and started to get stronger. A nauseating scent began to emanate from it as the glow suddenly flared brightly, then vanished, leaving the small white halfling curled up on the sand, moving weakly. Even in the dim moonlight, the steaming slime that completely covered his body was clearly seen scorching the ground. Suddenly, Al gave a shivering gasp as he began to breathe once again."Al?" Tibo hesitated to touch the halfling at this state, the tenderness on his hand still reminded him what the slime did to him before.
The halfling shakily got to his knees and felt around him.
"Al, go to your left about 10 paces."
He crawled in the direction the familiar voice had given him and felt cool water. He scrambled into the river and proceeded to wash off the caustic digestive secretions. He splashed back onto the riverbank and collapsed, panting heavily and shivering. Tibo rushed over to him. He removed his cloak and wrapped the shaking halfling within it. Al looked up and smiled. He held up his left fist and revealed the Sacred Ruby of Keshniken.Tibo walked back into the circle of firelight and noticed that Derelon had dozed off. He placed the halfling on the ground near the fire and poked the fighter.
"Hey there, lazy. Al's back."
Derelon merely sat there, eyes closed and breathing shallowly in deep sleep.
Tibo shook him again. "Derelon, wake up."
"Let him rest." Devan emerged from the shadows. "Did Al bring back the ruby?"
"Yes, he did," Tibo answered.
"Where is it?" His tone sounded of relaxed urgency.
"He's got it..."
"Give it to me!" Devan tried to force Tibo aside to get to Al.
The shaman resisted and grabbed Devan's robe. "Calm down Devan..."
"Unhand me this instant!"
"Not until you..."
Devan's hands began to glow with an arcane power. He shoved Tibo aside. The shaman went flying back as if he'd been thrown from a trebuchet! He landed in the upper branches of a tree some 30 yards away.
The spell caster then turned his attention back to the matters at hand. "Now, little one, where is the gem?"
Al extracted himself from the cloak. He held up the large, blood-red ruby in his palms so Devan could see it. "I have it," he grinned, "but you'll have to take it from me."
"Brazen words from one as small as yourself..."
From the shadows, Sith jumped on Devan with dagger in hand. He prepared to plunge it into the mad wizard's back, but as the blade made contact, it shattered as if it were made of crystal. Devan reached back, grabbed Sith by the scruff of his neck and threw him to the ground.
"A bold, but futile move." Another bolt of magic left Devan's hand and surged into Sith, completely numbing him "I thought I put you to sleep like the dumb brute over there. I'm going to have to brush up on that spell."
The paralyzed thief could only watch as the wizard closed in on the small, naked halfling.
Al seemed to be concentrating on something as Devan grabbed him by the neck and picked him up off the ground. He started to squeeze Al's neck, choking him. The halfling struggled within the strangling grasp.
"Now, give me that ruby, or I will kill you in a hundred different ways."
Al held out the ruby and it was snatched by Devan from his trembling hand.
"That's a good little boy." The wizard casually tossed him out of the clearing. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must depart."
Devan was engulfed by bright light and vanished with a loud pop.Al brushed himself off and went over to Sith. "Are you OK?"
Sith grimaced as the paralysis slowly started to leave him. What was once numb, now had the sensations of pins and needles as he regained his movement. "I'll be all right. Just give me a few minutes."
"Al? Al??" A plaintive cry was heard from the wilderness.
"Over here."
Moments later, a dishevelled Tibo stumbled into the clearing. A few leaves and twigs were still stuck to his hair and breeches. "Al, where's Devan? Did he get the ruby?"
"I'm afraid so."
Derelon started to stir and yawn. "Wha?... Oh, hello Al! I'm sorry, Tibo," he stretched. "I must have dozed off. "
Sith sat up shakily. "It's not your fault, Derelon. Devan hit you with a sleep spell."
"He did, did he? Where is he?" He balled up his fist. "I'll hit him with a sleep spell of my own!"
"He nicked the gem and vanished. He must have teleported out."
Tibo frowned. "Is there any way we can catch up to him?"
"Not really," Al said, "but I wouldn't worry about it. Not until daybreak. I doubt there's anything we can do in the pitch blackness of night." A wry grin pursed his lips. "Besides, I'm sure he'll get his just reward."
Devan appeared on the road just outside of the woods, a few miles from the campsite. He held up his prized possession in the dim moonlight and grinned. It seemed almost too easy, like robbing a blind man. Right from the start, it was child's play to detain Abric at the Wizard's Guild, and he made sure he just happened to be conveniently available to take his place. He chuckled to himself. Baron van Briggs will pay well for this bauble. It was the easiest 100 platinum royals he'd ever made. That will keep him quite solvent for the remainder of the year. Perhaps he'd travel north to Umberville...
The moon went behind some clouds, cloaking the area in inky blackness. He then heard the shuffling of something in the darkness and a foul odor assaulted his nose. He looked around and saw a pair of glowing red eyes high in front of him, seeming to float in the darkness. Suddenly a second set appeared next to them... then a third. It wasn't until he heard a menacing, ground-shaking growl that he realized what stood before him: Cerberus!
The gem dropped to the ground from his trembling hands. He didn't even have time to scream as the middle head lunged at him, biting him at the shoulders. He was lifted into the air as the hell hound's other two heads grabbed a bit of the screaming wizard and pulled. Devan's anguished cry was cut short as he was torn apart and devoured. Cerberus made quick work of the wizard, stripping the meat and gnawing on the bones.
Sated from the meal that he KNEW would stay inside him and digest, Cerberus curled up under a few trees and went to sleep.
Tibo, Derelon, Sith and Al were already on the road when daybreak lightened the sky with its cheery orange glow. They were still upset that they were taken in by an unscrupulous wizard. All the hard work and sacrifices were made for naught. Their only hope was to catch up to the wizard and confront him again.
They were just about to leave the woods when they saw the black and red pelt of an immense creature curled up beneath some trees off the path. As they got closer, a distinctive wolfish head looked up and spotted them.
Tibo froze, Sith whimpered and Derelon nearly soiled himself when they saw a second equally lupine head look up from the same body... joined by a third.
"Obram's bollocks!" Tibo swore between his teeth. "It's Cerberus!"
"What the hell is he doing out of Hell?" Sith whispered.
Derelon pulled out his sword. "Right, demon dog! Prepare to meet your doom!"
"No, Derelon," said Al, "Put that away. This was my doing."
Tibo looked incredulous. "You??"
"I'll explain in a moment. Meanwhile, make no aggressive actions toward him, and don't purposefully look him in the eyes."
They followed Al as he walked over to Cerberus. Nearby, there was a some splatters of blood and in its midst, the Sacred Ruby of Keshniken.
The halfling scratched under the middle head's jowls "Hiya, boy..."
Cerberus stood up to his full height, whuffed a greeting and sniffed at Al, his tail wagging slowly.
"Thank you for the help. But you didn't have to stay on my account."
Cerberus whined softly and growled.
"I know. But the sun will rise to full strength shortly and I don't want to see you get hurt."
Cerberus' middle head slurped Al into his mouth.
"No, no... Put me down, please."
The middle head obliged. He placed the spittle coated halfling back on the ground.
Al chuckled. "Another time, perhaps. I have to go back to Bourna with the others and finish my duty."
The left head looked at the rest of the party and growled.
"They're all right, trust me. No one will harm you. That one's Tibo, He's the party leader..." He pointed out the shaman and motioned him to come closer. "Don't hold anything against him because he's a holy man, he's good people." The left head swiveled over to him and sniffed a few times.
"...The one in the ring mail is Derelon..."
The right head sniffed at the fighter. He sneered back at the dog, trying to hide his fear.
"...And the one in leather is Sith..."
Another few sniffs from the right head and an approving growl.
"OK... Now you get back to the underworld before Hades finds out you're missing. Go on... and thanks again..."
Cerberus whined softly, but he turned around and, with a final glance from the left head, quickly dashed off across the fields and was soon out of sight.Tibo shook his head, "Al, how?"
Al grinned. "I told you, I have a way with dogs... That, and you don't spend nearly two years in a dragon's stomach and not pick up a few things."
"Like tapeworm?"
"Very funny, Derelon." Al picked up the ruby and handed it to Tibo. "Goldfang, the dragon, was a rather good teacher. Since I wasn't doing much -- least of all, digesting -- he and I struck up a friendship and he taught me a few things. Telepathy, for example. No, I'm not good at it. I can only do it once or twice a year if I'm lucky. But, since Goldfang was telepathic (that was the only way he could speak with me in his stomach), he could 'show' me how it was done. Well, since I was in Cerberus' belly, I tried to 'speak' with him. I was surprised that it actually worked. Once I can speak in someone's mind, I don't even have to think about it from that point on. It seemed that Cerberus knew exactly what Devan was up to and let me in on that knowledge. I told him what we were trying to do and agreed to help us out. He knew of another exit to the outside world, so we came up and waited. See, deep down, Cerberus isn't a bad dog."
Tibo grinned. "No wonder you weren't very upset when Devan got the ruby. But how did you know he would teleport to the road right here?"
"Cerberus is no stranger to magic. He said he controlled his Blink to bring him here."
Derelon asked, "Blink?"
"It's like an uncontrolled teleport for a short distance. Devan didn't have a full teleport spell, but he did have a Blink. Cerberus tapped into the magic fields and controlled them to bring him here. I'm not a magic user, but those were the images he gave me to translate."
Tibo shook his head and grinned. "Amazing. Any other secrets you're keeping from us?"
"None that won't be revealed before their time. That is, if you want to keep a small, naked halfling who's a magnet for large monsters that want to swallow him in the party."
Derelon picked up Al and placed him on his shoulder. "As long as you keep things exciting, I won't mind."
Al shivered. "Geez, Derelon! Those metal rings are cold."
The warrior placed him back on the ground. "Sorry."
"That reminds me, Al. Do you have another breechcloth?"
"Ummm... no. Not offhand."
Sith pulled out a shirt from his pack. "Here. At least you'll be covered. Just remember to take it off before you find yourself in another creature's mouth."
"Heh... Sure thing, Sith."The return trip back to Bourna was uneventful... almost as if someone was watching out for them. The party was rewarded for their valour by the Keshnikite temple and gave Devan's share of the reward back to the Wizard's guild -- along with a graphic account on how Devan was lost in an attack by Cerberus. Abric successfully advanced in rank in the Wizard's Guild and met Al for the first time.
They had many other strange adventures, but those are tales for another time.
-- THE END... for now. --
"...To The Dogs" is ©1999 Mark "PunkTiger" Correia. This HTML version is also ©1999 Southpaw Artwerx. This story may be freely distributed by electronic media provided NOTHING is changed or omitted (including this notice). Physical or electronic hardcopies in any form are limited to a single printing for personal use only. All other rights reserved.
The author can be reached via E-Mail at: punktiger@yahoo.com
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